Life tips from the road …

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I had an idea pop into my head this past weekend while we were in Idaho for a kayak race.  I initially thought I was going to share some tips on how to balance your spiritual practice while traveling, but then it turned into life tips that I have learned while being on the road and traveling with my partner, Evan.

I think you will enjoy this post.  I had fun writing it and pondering what I’ve learned from being on the road and traveling with Ev.

For the past week we have been in Idaho for one of the best kayak races/events in the world.

If you aren’t familiar with the North Fork Championship kayak race, watch this three minute video.  It will give you an idea of where I have been and what I have been up to!

You won’t be disappointed.  It’s CRAY & amazing. 

Traveling with Ev to any sort of kayak function is… gosh how do I put it? Unpredictable, uncomfortable (which is actually a good thing),freeing, dirty, exciting, and most importantly REWARDING– even if at times I want to pull out my hair. 😉  

It is my pleasure to share with you some of my life tips from the road.

So without further ado, here we go…

My life tips from the road:

#1 Let that shit go
Like I said before, kayak trips are very unpredictable, which can be a little challenging for the controller inside of me.  Let’s call her Miss Serious.  Miss Serious is scary; she likes things her way and she believes that by getting her way and having control, she will protect me, but she’s a little off.  
The only way I can enjoy myself on such an unpredictable trip is to let go and embrace what is, despite the resistance I may feel from Miss Serious.  Once I am able to achieve that, life feels so much better and I can truly enjoy myself. 
If this sounds easy, I am here to inform you that it is not.  It’s like prying a vampire away from it’s next meal.  Doable, but really fucking hard.
These trips allow me to practice the act of letting go and I am reminded that the only way to truly enjoy myself is to let go.

Tip:  Relax, nothing is under control.
#2 Embrace the uncertainty of it all
This goes hand in hand with my last tip.  These kayak race events are filled with surprises and last minute changes and plans, something that I actually enjoy. What I love about traveling with Ev is that nothing is certain, which at times can drive me crazy, but it’s also what I appreciate most about our trips.  Life is best experienced moment to moment. It’s where thrill and freedom lie, which is why embracing the uncertainty of it all is one of the most crucial parts to enjoying this ride we call life.

Tip: This made up belief that we have to know how everything is going to work out is bull shit. If you don’t know how to get from point A to point B, start walking, taking one step after the other, and sooner or later you will reach your destination.  Start with the first step.

 

#3 Go with the flow
Man oh man… although I love the idea of going with the flow and I can definitely ride that band wagon, sometimes going with the flow seems harder then paddling upstream.  But as we all know, flowing with the river is a much more enjoyable ride.  

Let me just thank the rivers for showing me that flowing DOWN RIVER, rather then paddling against it, is much easier and the key to living a happy life.  

Tip:  Everything you want is down stream. Stop paddling against it. GO WITH THE FLOW, people.

 

#4 Unplugging can do more for you than you know
No matter where you are or what trip you may be taking, unplugging yourself from your phone and computer is one of the best gifts you could give yourself. Luckily for me, I didn’t have a choice.  I was in the middle of the wilderness with no wifi or cell service. (THANK YOU GOD.)  Even though I didn’t meditate or journal every day, I had more time without the everyday distractions that a phone or computer can add to ones life and for that I am super grateful.

Tip:  Go somewhere where there is no cell phone service, even if for a couple of hours.  I find that the clarity and joy I know so well can find me when I am off the beaten path.

#5 Nature is the best type of medicine
This is a simple yet very effective tip that can give you the ease and clarity you may be searching for.

Tip:  Everything seems to make sense when I am alone in nature. Get outside.  Sit with nature.  Feel it soften your heart.  Your answers will be revealed.

And remember… 

RELAX, nothing is under control.

Love,
Sarah

LOVE on your FEARS

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Remember we all stumble,every one of us. That's why is a comfort to go hand-in-hand.

HELLO, some of my favorite people!

Let me start off with a TRUTH BOMB:

The more YOU question YOUR fears, the less they will scare YOU.

I was introduced to Byron Katie over a year ago, and her book and work changed my life.  Since then, whenever I have felt down in the dumps, I’ve used The Work to investigate my thinking.

Our suffering- our anxiety, depression, overwhelm, and utter confusion, is caused by what we are believing.

As Byron Katie says, A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.

Here are a few of my limiting beliefs:  “You’re not doing enough, you will never amount to anything, you need to be doing more to reach true success.” 

I want to share a story with you.

This morning as I was in my bathroom, getting ready for the day, I felt a limiting belief creep into my mind.  The sign that I am believing a limiting belief is when I begin to feel physical sensations in my body.  It shows up as resistance, which feels like two bulls fighting each other inside my chest. It’s intense and scary.

The thought that started to gain momentum this morning began as a small voice inside my head.  It told me that I needed to know exactly what I was going to do today (PRESSURE).  And then it went on to say: “You need to be MORE productive.  You need to get MORE shit done.  You better not waste this day.”

Two words: HOW RUDE!

I know you are just as familiar with these thoughts as I am, so let me ask you something:  If someone spoke to you that way, would you still be friends with them?

Probably not.

Let me also ask you this:  Would you ever speak to a friend and/or sister like that?  Would you call them up and demand that they DO MORE and be MORE PRODUCTIVE with their time!?

I have a hunch that you wouldn’t.  We would never treat our friends or sisters like that.

Okay (I am about to get in your face) so WHY on earth do we think it is okay to treat ourselves like that!? Why do we BELIEVE everything we think, especially the beliefs that are so nasty and mean!?

The first answer that comes to me is this:  We have NEVER been taught to question our beliefs. We didn’t receive that type of education growing up.  How are we to know that if a thought causes SUFFERING, IT ISN’T TRUE?

We don’t.

This is why I do what I do, to help YOU understand that YOU are not the voice inside of YOUR head and you don’t have to believe everything it has to say.  There is another way.  A way in which will free you from the misery of your anxiety, depression, confusion, overwhelm, etc.

This leads me back to this mornings story….

Usually, when my inner mean girl comes out to play (THE FEAR), I have a few techniques I use to defuse her power, and most of the time it works, lately however, she’s been kicking my ass a bit.
But something different happened this morning.  I felt a new energy emerge from my body.  It was open and loving.  It felt like two open and loving arms reaching out and welcoming the fear.  There was no fight and no fleeing.

“Wow.  That’s what that feels like,” I thought to myself.

And then this nugget of gold came to me: The more we question our beliefs, the less scared of them we become.

I have practiced many tools to help me DISBELIEVE the limiting beliefs that make me feel small, insecure, lost, depressed, confused, anxious, etc. It isn’t always easy, but it’s paying off, because there is a new energy emerging from within me.
To be able to see my fear and react to it with loving and open arms, is one of the best feelings and gifts in the world. Why? Because there is no fight. What a relief.

The more we fight or flee from our fears, the louder and more savage they become.

“What we resist, persists.”

It is my honor to share this experience with all of you.  The more willing we are to investigate our thinking, the thinking which causes us to feel so unhappy, the happier we become and the more connected and confident we feel.

As Martha Beck told me yesterday:  

Our fears block us from feeling the love and seeing the truth from the Universe, ourselves, and others.

There is nothing that isn’t happening for us.  We live in a loving and kind Universe.
The Universe is on our side- it has our backs.
Believe that to be true, and see how it carries you the rest of the day.

If you are interested in knowing more about The Work, you can visit http://www.thework.com and/or reach out to me.  Get the support you need to feel your best.

I wish you lots of love and joy for the rest of your day.  And remember, you matter.

Love,
Sarah

We are SURVIVORS!

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Get ready because I am about to throw some 90’s music at you!

Today, as I was driving- well let me back up.  This last month has been HARD.

Starting my own business has stretched me (at times) more than I would like to feel.

And last night, I hit a breaking point.  The thought came into my mind:  “Maybe I should just give up.  This is too fucking hard.” 

And then I got pissed.  I don’t get mad a lot, but last night I got mad.

Why the hell aren’t things going the way I want them to?

How come I feel like my wheels are spinning?

How come everyone else is making money and getting clients, and I’m not!?

How am I going to be able to afford my new house?

HELPPPPPPP!

At this point, it was past 10:00pm and my bedtime and I was tired. 

I went to bed.

This morning before I meditated, I set the intention to receive guidance from the Universe.

It went like this: 

Me:  How in the world do I reach my money and business goals, this month?  I feel so lost and confused.

Universe/Inner Wisdom: How would you feel if someone gave you $1,000 – $5,000 dollars?

Me:  I would feel relaxed and calm.  I wouldn’t worry so much and I imagine life would feel easier and happier.

Universe/Inner Wisdom:  Live like that NOW!  Begin to feel CALM and RELAXED, RIGHT now, not when you reach your money or your business goals, but NOW. 
The whole point in life is to feel good.  Start by FEELING what you want to FEEL, right now, and see what happens.

At this point, I was SO exhausted, mentally and emotionally, that I accepted this advice and began to introduce feelings of relaxation and calmness into my body.  

I finished my meditation, and realized that it was 9:45am.  

“SHIT.”  I thought to myself,  “I had to be at the bank (for my Dad), at9:00am.”

I quickly gave thanks to the Universe, and headed out the door.

I got in my car, started backing up, became distracted by my phone (UGH), and all of a sudden I was in the DITCH, in my own driveway.

(For REALS. right now!?)

Side note:  I live in Montana, in the country, and there is A LOT of snow.

So there I was, stuck in the ditch (of my own driveway), and wondering what the hell had just happened.

I left my car (it was not budging), got into my Mom’s car, and was on my way.

As I was driving, I changed the radio station, and I heard:

I’m a survivor 
I’m not gon give up 
I’m not gon stop
I’m gon work harder
I’m a survivor 
I’m gonna make it 
I will survive
Keep on survivin’

I’m a survivor 
I’m not gon give up 
I’m not gon stop
I’m gon work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin’
 

THANK GOD.  

This was exactly what I needed to hear.  

THANK YOU, UNIVERSE! 

As I listened and sang my heart out to the song, I imagined that I was singing to the fear; the voice inside my head who beats me up and reminds me of how I won’t make it and WHY.

(Listen to the song here, and see what I mean!)

Throughout the rest of the day, I began treating those voices in my head, like little children in a classroom.  

Like this:

Voice in my head (inner mean girl):  How are you going to make it happen? You NEED to know NOW!

Me: Is that helpful?

Voice in my head (inner mean girl): No

Me: Then please keep your mouth shut unless you have something nice to say.  And while you’re at it, go sit at the back of the room, and don’t come back up to the front until you’re behaving better.

I have been doing this all day!  And guess what?  IT WORKS!

WE ARE SURVIVORS, and we are NOT meant to give up.  WE are going to keep trying and will never STOP.

Do not let that voice take over the teacher’s roll, THAT IS YOUR ROLL.  You are the teacher, and your inner mean girl is the student.  Start treating your inner mean girl like the child who isn’t behaving.  

Think about it:  If a child acts out: makes fun of others, throws pencils and markers, and/or hurts peoples feelings, YOU as the TEACHER, would well him or her NO, and make him/her act accordingly.

That is exactly how you treat the voice in your head.  Until he/she can behave nicely and give you positive and encouraging advice, he/she is not allowed to be listened to.  EVER.

Be strong.

I believe in you.

YOU ARE A:

survivor

Get the Goodies! {Audio + Video} & for Free!

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Hello, Errrrbody!

How is everyone FEELING today?  I wish I could actually hear each and every one of your responses!  But because that isn’t possible, I want you to shoot me back a ONE WORD response to this question.  It will be fun to see everyones responses.  P.S. BE REAL.

Today’s topic?

Introducing NEW and free MATERIAL for you all!

I created a new audio and video for you guys, and it is time you see it and hear it!

As many of you may NOT know, I am REVAMPING the Relationship Repair Kit.

In 48 hours my prices will go up (all deets coming your way soon) and there will be TEN more spots open for my three week online program.

HOW EXCITING is that!?

If you are NEW to me and to The Relationship Repair Kit, go HERE to check out all the yummy deets.

This program is for people who want to create a better relationship between themselves and the voice inside of their head that makes them feel crazy. 

It is for the folks who know DEEP DOWN that they are meant for BIG THINGS, a happier life, and more fulfilling relationships, but they can’t seem to move past the voice inside of their head, who tells them that they will never make it,they aren’t good enough, they need to be better, and/or everyone else has already done it, why even bother?

Does any of this sound familiar?

Let me shoot some TRUTH your way:

“Our relationships with others can ONLY be as GOOD as the relationship we have with ourselves.”

That is some #SOLIDTRUTH.

That is WHY I created this online program, so I can help you become better friends with yourself and that voice inside of your head that BEATS YOU UP.  As you begin to treat yourself with more kindness and compassion and make space between who you TRULY ARE and the voice inside of your head, you will see how your external relationships with others will begin to reflect the changes inside of yourself.  It is REMARKABLE.

If you are in a crappy situation (new or ongoing), and your’e not sure how to maneuver your way through it, take this step.  Sign up for this program.  By taking this step, you are telling the Universe that you are READY to make a change in your life and you’re serious about your happiness.

As Oprah Says: “Turn your wounds into wisdom.”

I want to MEET and WORK with people who are willing to INVEST in their own happiness.  Why?  Because those are the folks who make SHIT happen.

INVEST IN YOURSELF.

If anything I wrote in this email resonated with you, head on over to my website (sign in required) to check out the audio and video I created for you guys!

Heads up:  The quality of the video is not the best.  My lovely boyfriend/filmmaker who shoots my videos is off in Peru doing his thang!  So apologies for the bad quality.  It will be better next time, I promise.

Sending you all so much LOVE!

Click HERE for the audio and video!

(FYI: The audio and video are in a secret place on my website, that can only be accessed by signing up, i.e., name and email, so don’t be alarmed when it asks you to sign in.)

P.S. Speaking of my man, if you want to see the craziest shit of your life, watch him here in Norway, kicking some serious booty on the river!

P.S.S.  Don’t forget to REPLY with your ONE WORD feeling state!

Be a Better Friend to Yourself

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GOT IT!?

How do you treat yourself? Mentally?

Are you aware of the mental chatter going on inside of your head? Do you notice how often the voice inside of your head makes you feel crappy about yourself and your life? Well let me SHOOT some TRUTH YOUR WAY: That voice, who makes you feel less than you really are, is NOT who you are, nor do you have to listen to or BELIEVE what is has to say.

Sure, it may feel true. And you could argue with me that those thoughts (which cause you to feel anxious or depressed) may in fact be true. But let me ask you something?
When you BELIEVE thoughts that make you feel crummy, what is the indicator that they are true? How can you REALLY know, 100%, that they’re TRUE?

Think about it…

Go inside and see what comes up for you.

I have a friend who believes that before she starts her business, she needs to have ALL her I’s dotted and T’s crossed. She had this story when I met her (8 months ago) and still lives by it today. And what has this belief given to her? A lot of UNNECESSARY stress and a lack of self-confidence and courage to get her BUSINESS out into the world.

Does she have her T’s crossed and I’s dotted?

YOU BET SHE DOES

And is she a wonderful and smart women who has a special gift to share with the world?  YOU BET SHE IS! Yet, she is still believing that she needs to DO MORE, in order for her to begin, and that my friends, is what’s HOLDING HER BACK.

I want you to hold a thought in your mind that makes you feel crappy. Such as: (I will use my own personal playlist, that my inner mean girl uses, when she likes to come out to play) you’re not doing enough, you will never be successful, you should watch what you eat (you don’t want to get fat!), you need to be doing more to be better, etc. Now find a thought that your inner mean girl uses when she comes out to play.

Got it? (DO THIS PEOPLE)

Now hold that belief in your mind FOR 30 seconds.

How do you feel?

Write down ALL of the feelings and PHYSICAL sensations in your BODY, that came up while believing this thought. Such as: tight, suffocating, clogged, heavy, etc.

(WRITE THEM DOWN, for reals!)

Okay, shake that shit off. Really, shake it off and get back to YOUR happy place.

NOW, hold a belief that you KNOW to be TRUE. For example (my truth): I love horses, I want to be happy, I love my partner, the sky is blue, etc.

NOW, hold that belief in your mind for 30 seconds.

How do you feel after believing that thought?

Better right?

Let me let you in on a TOP SECRET: IF A THOUGHT CAUSES YOU TO SUFFER (anxious, depressed, worried, unhappy) IT IS NOT TRUE.

Notice how you FELT when you held the absolute truth in your mind. Good right? A lot better then when you held the belief that your inner mean girl throws at you, huh?

When you BELIEVE the TRUTH it feels like freedom and when you believe a LIE, it feels like SHIT.

I know this may be a lot for your mind to comprehend, but it doesn’t need to comprehend it right now. Just notice how you feel when you believe the truth, the god to honest truth, like the sky is blue, and when you believe something that causes you to feel crappy about yourself.

It’s like hot and cold, right?

Wouldn’t you want to believe the TRUTH and FEEL FREE, then believe and LIE and feel like crap???

Easier said then done, I know. However, I am LIVING PROOF, that it is POSSIBLE. I have suffered from anxiety and depression, and ALL of it stemmed from the inner dialogue that was going on upstairs.

With a few coaching sessions under your belt, you will understand how you inner mean girl operates, how you can break free from the LIMITING beliefs that hold you back (like my friend), and create a happier life for yourself.

It all starts with you my dear.

And let me REMIND you of something: You are EFFING amazing and you have an incredible gift to share with the world. If I believe that, you can believe it. Don’t you EVER give up on yourself and when you’re in the DUMPS, reach out to a loved one and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. NO exceptions.

“Be a better friend to yourself.” – ME

Want more? SUBSCRIBE to receive my weekly and monthly SOUL-EMPOWERING updates; Be the Best Version of Yourself.

Want even more? Get coached. It’s the best investment I ever gave to myself. And that is a promise.

Will this help a friend in need? Share it with them, using the links below!

Questions/Comments? EMAIL ME @ hello@sarahcaracciolo.com

I would LOVE to hear from you.

 

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Looking FEAR into the EYES

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“Until you can look forward to all aspects of life without fear, your Work is not done.”  – Byron Katie

I had an epiphany the other day after reading this quote.  It slowly started to dawn on me that I had the willingness (in one area of my life) to look fear in the eye and choose not to be scared. The fear that used to TERRIFY me, no longer held its power over me and scared me the way it used to.

 

HOLY COW!  WHAT a realization!

 

And the fear I am talking about?  It is the FEAR of being FAT.  You know it right?  

I have been scared of being fat since the seventh grade.  I had beliefs like: only skinny girls are pretty and only pretty girls are skinny.  AND:  I HAVE to be skinny in order for people to like me.  AND: I am not likable if I am not skinny.  You see where I am going with this…

The behaviors that came from believing such thoughts were detrimental to my health, mind, soul, and body.  Behaviors such as: controlling my eating habits, eating when I wasn’t hungry, emotional binge-eating, harsh self-criticism, judging myself and others, and wearing baggy clothes because I was too scared to wear my tight clothes, for fear they wouldn’t fit.

 

And what did this all stem from?  Believing thoughts that simply were NOT TRUE.  Who said that only pretty people are skinny and visa versa?  Or that one is only likable if they are skinny!?  Because I have two words for them: what BULLSHIT!!!!  100% BullSHIT.

 

The fact that I can hear the voice in my head (you should watch what you eat, you don’t want to get FAT), feel it’s impact on my body, as uncomfortable body sensations (tightness, tenseness, and heaviness-usually in my heart center), and choose to face the fear, rather then fight it or ignore it, changes its effect on me.  I used to be SO scared to face the fear, for fear that I would become FAT, that I would bow down to it (unknowingly), BELIEVE IT, and then end up feeling like the victim of my own life.  This created a hellish life for me for quite some time.

 

BUT NOW?!  I see it for was it is:  a made up FEAR that doesn’t hold any truth whatsoever.  May I repeat:  A MADE OF UP FEAR THAT DOESN’T HOLD ANY TRUTH WHATSOEVER.  Through life coach training and many of my own personal experiences, I have come to realize the insanity of the fear and have begun to trust myself and my body, more than a belief inside of my head.

 

And now that I have come to realize this, I can apply it to other fear based areas in my life, and not become paralyzed by limiting (fear based) beliefs for days, weeks, or months on end.

 

HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH!!!

 

You are NOT the voice inside your head who makes you feel crappy about your life, body, work, relationships, etc.  You are the one who is silenced by the fear, the one who stands back and watches the chaos unfold.  

 

“If you truly knew how beautiful you are, you would fall at your own feet.” – Byron Katie

CURIOUS about learning how to move past your fears and face them in the eye, so you can live a more happy and peaceful life?  Subscribe to my email updates so you can get all the INSPIRING, SOUL-EMPOWERING, and MOTIVATING goodies to your INBOX!

 

And if you want more… sign up for the Relationship Repair Kit, where I will help you become your OWN BEST FRIEND and FACE your own fears in the EYE!

 

LOTS OF LOVE!!!!!

Sarah

The Drought was the VERY worst…

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My eyes water as I write these words…

The drought was the very worst, when the flowers we’d grown together died of thirst…. T. Swift

 How does one say goodbye to someone who they love with their whole heart?  I think this is one of the hardest decisions I’ve one: ever made, and two: decided to stick with.  I keep thinking to myself that maybe it would be easier if he gave me a reason to say goodbye, i.e. he cheated on me, he was a significant asshole, or he just wasn’t the one for me.  But I don’t have that luxury.  It was a “bad timing” kind of deal.  And maybe that wouldn’t make it easier, but it’s a nice thought as I am in the midst of missing him or when I think I’m making a terrible mistake.

I didn’t think it would be this hard, the second or third time around.  The first time we broke up, I still had this string of hope, as I used to call it, that gave me hope we would work it out and get back together.  That string of hope is now slowly fading.  I don’t know if I will ever be able to go back if I make it through these heart wrenching days.  And I wonder, am I just being a cry baby?  Do I just need to suck it up and move on.  A part of me thinks so, yes… yet here I am-letting it all go on my blog…

I don’t know what else to say, but that I hope tomorrow is better and the day after that, and the day after that.  I have really good days and then days like this, where I feel so utterly sad because I miss the love of my life so much.  I guess thats a part of it.

With love,

S

No One Is Going To Save Me, That’s MY JOB

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This is what I said to myself while I was out in the #wilderness-alone… And it stills feels very true.

It reminds me that I am capable of doing whatever my heart desires. Whether I am camping by myself or starting a business from scratch. I am capable of allowing my heart to guide me and create my best life!
#OWNTHATSHIT

 

Honor LOVE

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Please don’t throw people you love out because things don’t go the way you want.

If you ever deeply loved someone, you always will. That can’t change or die….it can simply get covered up by pain. The only way to not return to the love is to never heal. You are bigger than that.

Remember all the sweet times you had together. Don’t be afraid to feel this again. Think of all the things you learned with them and all the ways you grew as a result. Recognize how much richer your life has been because of them, and how indelibly they helped shape your evolution. Focus here.
Tell this story.

The neat thing about pain is, it ends. But the lessons learned continue on. If you do the work to process what you need to, the hurt is temporary, and the gifts are lasting. What a beautiful evolutionary bias to existence!
So process what you need to, let the pain go, and honor the beauty.
Honor love.
Notice how much more whole you feel when you do. And how much better you like who you’re being.

If you were taking your last breaths…or they were taking theirs….notice what remains in you. When you don’t have time for anything non-essential, notice how only love and gratitude arise. That is what really matters to you…what is real and important to you….when you don’t falsely believe that you have time to dwell and get stuck in the unimportant.

Everyone I have ever loved, I still do, as deeply as ever. It couldn’t be any other way. They shaped my heart. I learned what I know of love with them.
How we relate on the outside my have changed. What happens in my heart with them never will.

If a woman has felt safe enough with me and deemed me worthy to open her heart and her body to me….I feel forever indebted. If she ever needs anything, and I can give it, I will. It wouldn’t feel right to me any other way.
As hard as I work at doing good, I simply don’t believe any act truly warrants that kind of beauty, the gift of someone’s heart…so the only reasonable response for me is to feel overwhelmingly blessed.

There are three of my past relationships where we are not still actively close, because they requested that of me….and I actively miss them. And still nothing has changed in my heart; it still swells when I think of them.

This doesn’t mean I think we should be together romantically or sexually again…that might not be what’s in everyone’s highest good…which is what love wants for.
But I remember those times….where I felt I could die happy and complete…. Mostly, it means that I know her. Even though she may have grown and changed…I saw her deeply enough at one time to see what is essential…to see her goodness, her uniqueness, her spark, and know that there is absolutely no one like her.
I loved her because I saw the beauty of her nature…. That will never change.

When I think of the relationships I’ve had, I feel unreasonably fortunate. Not because I’ve never been cheated on or lied to or left. Of course I have. And for a time it was devastating. And as soon as clarity reemerged, I knew I would sign up for it again a thousand times over.

If she had been clearer and better resourced, she would have treated me better. I have no doubt about this. We both have loving hearts, love being the cause of someone else’s happiness, and have only acted hurtfully when we were confused, hurting, or disconnected. So how upset and resentful do I want to stay over someone loving me the best they could with all they had going on inside?

So work to let it go. Don’t feed the resentment story. Or any story that causes or comes from pain.

Honor love.
Feed gratitude.
Stay vulnerable.
Stay open.
Stay loving.

And you’ll stay centered in your own heart, living your values congruently, and choosing your reality consciously.

That is the only real safety.

“Nothing can shatter this love, for even if you were to take another into your arms my dear, you would still be kissing me.” ~Rumi

P.S. A relationship structure (being with this person, this way) is a strategy to meet needs: belonging, connection, security, etc. Love wants for the needs of the other, because love supports happiness. As such, love wants that strategy, as long as it is truly what supports happiness the best. If that should change, love wants for the other what they most want for themselves.

I have never vowed to a relationship structure till death do us part….because I care about happiness and love and truth more than structures…and I know I cant predict the future that well. I think that is a better intention if its arising for both people, than it is a vow.
Here is the lifetime vow that I have made, and feel is honest and I can keep: “I vow to see you, and love you, and honor you, and care about you forever….and to relate with you in whatever ways truly serve the highest good.” As long as being with me supports your greatest happiness, we will be together. If things should change and something else would support your happiness better, then I want that. And Im still keeping the vow.

From this view, there is no such thing as a break up. Only a transition of how we love, as needed.

Note: This was shared to me by a friend, which was shared to her by a friend. The Author I am unaware of, however, my heart said to post it!

What @ Blessing

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I can give myself whatever it is that I am seeking from another person.

For example, say I wanted to hear from a special someone, yet the reality of the situation was that I didn’t hear from that person.  As soon as my expectation is met with the reality of the situation (not hearing from that person), I become sad and a tad angry.

So I ask myself a question:  What would I have in this moment, that I don’t have right now, if I was to hear from this person?

ANSWER:  Love, appreciation, being cared for, etc.

Hmm… well if my feelings are the only thing that would change, can’t I give those experiences to myself?  Can’t I imagine what it would feel like to receive that from another person and then give it to myself?

YES, why yes I CAN!

I can give myself LOVE, APPRECIATION, and acts of kindness, the same way any other person could.

Wow, what a great and humbling SURPRISE.

The love and appreciation that I give to myself, feels like a thousand shooting stars.

What a feeling!