Category Archives: Self-Care

Life tips from the road …

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I had an idea pop into my head this past weekend while we were in Idaho for a kayak race.  I initially thought I was going to share some tips on how to balance your spiritual practice while traveling, but then it turned into life tips that I have learned while being on the road and traveling with my partner, Evan.

I think you will enjoy this post.  I had fun writing it and pondering what I’ve learned from being on the road and traveling with Ev.

For the past week we have been in Idaho for one of the best kayak races/events in the world.

If you aren’t familiar with the North Fork Championship kayak race, watch this three minute video.  It will give you an idea of where I have been and what I have been up to!

You won’t be disappointed.  It’s CRAY & amazing. 

Traveling with Ev to any sort of kayak function is… gosh how do I put it? Unpredictable, uncomfortable (which is actually a good thing),freeing, dirty, exciting, and most importantly REWARDING– even if at times I want to pull out my hair. 😉  

It is my pleasure to share with you some of my life tips from the road.

So without further ado, here we go…

My life tips from the road:

#1 Let that shit go
Like I said before, kayak trips are very unpredictable, which can be a little challenging for the controller inside of me.  Let’s call her Miss Serious.  Miss Serious is scary; she likes things her way and she believes that by getting her way and having control, she will protect me, but she’s a little off.  
The only way I can enjoy myself on such an unpredictable trip is to let go and embrace what is, despite the resistance I may feel from Miss Serious.  Once I am able to achieve that, life feels so much better and I can truly enjoy myself. 
If this sounds easy, I am here to inform you that it is not.  It’s like prying a vampire away from it’s next meal.  Doable, but really fucking hard.
These trips allow me to practice the act of letting go and I am reminded that the only way to truly enjoy myself is to let go.

Tip:  Relax, nothing is under control.
#2 Embrace the uncertainty of it all
This goes hand in hand with my last tip.  These kayak race events are filled with surprises and last minute changes and plans, something that I actually enjoy. What I love about traveling with Ev is that nothing is certain, which at times can drive me crazy, but it’s also what I appreciate most about our trips.  Life is best experienced moment to moment. It’s where thrill and freedom lie, which is why embracing the uncertainty of it all is one of the most crucial parts to enjoying this ride we call life.

Tip: This made up belief that we have to know how everything is going to work out is bull shit. If you don’t know how to get from point A to point B, start walking, taking one step after the other, and sooner or later you will reach your destination.  Start with the first step.

 

#3 Go with the flow
Man oh man… although I love the idea of going with the flow and I can definitely ride that band wagon, sometimes going with the flow seems harder then paddling upstream.  But as we all know, flowing with the river is a much more enjoyable ride.  

Let me just thank the rivers for showing me that flowing DOWN RIVER, rather then paddling against it, is much easier and the key to living a happy life.  

Tip:  Everything you want is down stream. Stop paddling against it. GO WITH THE FLOW, people.

 

#4 Unplugging can do more for you than you know
No matter where you are or what trip you may be taking, unplugging yourself from your phone and computer is one of the best gifts you could give yourself. Luckily for me, I didn’t have a choice.  I was in the middle of the wilderness with no wifi or cell service. (THANK YOU GOD.)  Even though I didn’t meditate or journal every day, I had more time without the everyday distractions that a phone or computer can add to ones life and for that I am super grateful.

Tip:  Go somewhere where there is no cell phone service, even if for a couple of hours.  I find that the clarity and joy I know so well can find me when I am off the beaten path.

#5 Nature is the best type of medicine
This is a simple yet very effective tip that can give you the ease and clarity you may be searching for.

Tip:  Everything seems to make sense when I am alone in nature. Get outside.  Sit with nature.  Feel it soften your heart.  Your answers will be revealed.

And remember… 

RELAX, nothing is under control.

Love,
Sarah

LOVE on your FEARS

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Remember we all stumble,every one of us. That's why is a comfort to go hand-in-hand.

HELLO, some of my favorite people!

Let me start off with a TRUTH BOMB:

The more YOU question YOUR fears, the less they will scare YOU.

I was introduced to Byron Katie over a year ago, and her book and work changed my life.  Since then, whenever I have felt down in the dumps, I’ve used The Work to investigate my thinking.

Our suffering- our anxiety, depression, overwhelm, and utter confusion, is caused by what we are believing.

As Byron Katie says, A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.

Here are a few of my limiting beliefs:  “You’re not doing enough, you will never amount to anything, you need to be doing more to reach true success.” 

I want to share a story with you.

This morning as I was in my bathroom, getting ready for the day, I felt a limiting belief creep into my mind.  The sign that I am believing a limiting belief is when I begin to feel physical sensations in my body.  It shows up as resistance, which feels like two bulls fighting each other inside my chest. It’s intense and scary.

The thought that started to gain momentum this morning began as a small voice inside my head.  It told me that I needed to know exactly what I was going to do today (PRESSURE).  And then it went on to say: “You need to be MORE productive.  You need to get MORE shit done.  You better not waste this day.”

Two words: HOW RUDE!

I know you are just as familiar with these thoughts as I am, so let me ask you something:  If someone spoke to you that way, would you still be friends with them?

Probably not.

Let me also ask you this:  Would you ever speak to a friend and/or sister like that?  Would you call them up and demand that they DO MORE and be MORE PRODUCTIVE with their time!?

I have a hunch that you wouldn’t.  We would never treat our friends or sisters like that.

Okay (I am about to get in your face) so WHY on earth do we think it is okay to treat ourselves like that!? Why do we BELIEVE everything we think, especially the beliefs that are so nasty and mean!?

The first answer that comes to me is this:  We have NEVER been taught to question our beliefs. We didn’t receive that type of education growing up.  How are we to know that if a thought causes SUFFERING, IT ISN’T TRUE?

We don’t.

This is why I do what I do, to help YOU understand that YOU are not the voice inside of YOUR head and you don’t have to believe everything it has to say.  There is another way.  A way in which will free you from the misery of your anxiety, depression, confusion, overwhelm, etc.

This leads me back to this mornings story….

Usually, when my inner mean girl comes out to play (THE FEAR), I have a few techniques I use to defuse her power, and most of the time it works, lately however, she’s been kicking my ass a bit.
But something different happened this morning.  I felt a new energy emerge from my body.  It was open and loving.  It felt like two open and loving arms reaching out and welcoming the fear.  There was no fight and no fleeing.

“Wow.  That’s what that feels like,” I thought to myself.

And then this nugget of gold came to me: The more we question our beliefs, the less scared of them we become.

I have practiced many tools to help me DISBELIEVE the limiting beliefs that make me feel small, insecure, lost, depressed, confused, anxious, etc. It isn’t always easy, but it’s paying off, because there is a new energy emerging from within me.
To be able to see my fear and react to it with loving and open arms, is one of the best feelings and gifts in the world. Why? Because there is no fight. What a relief.

The more we fight or flee from our fears, the louder and more savage they become.

“What we resist, persists.”

It is my honor to share this experience with all of you.  The more willing we are to investigate our thinking, the thinking which causes us to feel so unhappy, the happier we become and the more connected and confident we feel.

As Martha Beck told me yesterday:  

Our fears block us from feeling the love and seeing the truth from the Universe, ourselves, and others.

There is nothing that isn’t happening for us.  We live in a loving and kind Universe.
The Universe is on our side- it has our backs.
Believe that to be true, and see how it carries you the rest of the day.

If you are interested in knowing more about The Work, you can visit http://www.thework.com and/or reach out to me.  Get the support you need to feel your best.

I wish you lots of love and joy for the rest of your day.  And remember, you matter.

Love,
Sarah

Be a Better Friend to Yourself

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GOT IT!?

How do you treat yourself? Mentally?

Are you aware of the mental chatter going on inside of your head? Do you notice how often the voice inside of your head makes you feel crappy about yourself and your life? Well let me SHOOT some TRUTH YOUR WAY: That voice, who makes you feel less than you really are, is NOT who you are, nor do you have to listen to or BELIEVE what is has to say.

Sure, it may feel true. And you could argue with me that those thoughts (which cause you to feel anxious or depressed) may in fact be true. But let me ask you something?
When you BELIEVE thoughts that make you feel crummy, what is the indicator that they are true? How can you REALLY know, 100%, that they’re TRUE?

Think about it…

Go inside and see what comes up for you.

I have a friend who believes that before she starts her business, she needs to have ALL her I’s dotted and T’s crossed. She had this story when I met her (8 months ago) and still lives by it today. And what has this belief given to her? A lot of UNNECESSARY stress and a lack of self-confidence and courage to get her BUSINESS out into the world.

Does she have her T’s crossed and I’s dotted?

YOU BET SHE DOES

And is she a wonderful and smart women who has a special gift to share with the world?  YOU BET SHE IS! Yet, she is still believing that she needs to DO MORE, in order for her to begin, and that my friends, is what’s HOLDING HER BACK.

I want you to hold a thought in your mind that makes you feel crappy. Such as: (I will use my own personal playlist, that my inner mean girl uses, when she likes to come out to play) you’re not doing enough, you will never be successful, you should watch what you eat (you don’t want to get fat!), you need to be doing more to be better, etc. Now find a thought that your inner mean girl uses when she comes out to play.

Got it? (DO THIS PEOPLE)

Now hold that belief in your mind FOR 30 seconds.

How do you feel?

Write down ALL of the feelings and PHYSICAL sensations in your BODY, that came up while believing this thought. Such as: tight, suffocating, clogged, heavy, etc.

(WRITE THEM DOWN, for reals!)

Okay, shake that shit off. Really, shake it off and get back to YOUR happy place.

NOW, hold a belief that you KNOW to be TRUE. For example (my truth): I love horses, I want to be happy, I love my partner, the sky is blue, etc.

NOW, hold that belief in your mind for 30 seconds.

How do you feel after believing that thought?

Better right?

Let me let you in on a TOP SECRET: IF A THOUGHT CAUSES YOU TO SUFFER (anxious, depressed, worried, unhappy) IT IS NOT TRUE.

Notice how you FELT when you held the absolute truth in your mind. Good right? A lot better then when you held the belief that your inner mean girl throws at you, huh?

When you BELIEVE the TRUTH it feels like freedom and when you believe a LIE, it feels like SHIT.

I know this may be a lot for your mind to comprehend, but it doesn’t need to comprehend it right now. Just notice how you feel when you believe the truth, the god to honest truth, like the sky is blue, and when you believe something that causes you to feel crappy about yourself.

It’s like hot and cold, right?

Wouldn’t you want to believe the TRUTH and FEEL FREE, then believe and LIE and feel like crap???

Easier said then done, I know. However, I am LIVING PROOF, that it is POSSIBLE. I have suffered from anxiety and depression, and ALL of it stemmed from the inner dialogue that was going on upstairs.

With a few coaching sessions under your belt, you will understand how you inner mean girl operates, how you can break free from the LIMITING beliefs that hold you back (like my friend), and create a happier life for yourself.

It all starts with you my dear.

And let me REMIND you of something: You are EFFING amazing and you have an incredible gift to share with the world. If I believe that, you can believe it. Don’t you EVER give up on yourself and when you’re in the DUMPS, reach out to a loved one and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. NO exceptions.

“Be a better friend to yourself.” – ME

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Questions/Comments? EMAIL ME @ hello@sarahcaracciolo.com

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Honor LOVE

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Please don’t throw people you love out because things don’t go the way you want.

If you ever deeply loved someone, you always will. That can’t change or die….it can simply get covered up by pain. The only way to not return to the love is to never heal. You are bigger than that.

Remember all the sweet times you had together. Don’t be afraid to feel this again. Think of all the things you learned with them and all the ways you grew as a result. Recognize how much richer your life has been because of them, and how indelibly they helped shape your evolution. Focus here.
Tell this story.

The neat thing about pain is, it ends. But the lessons learned continue on. If you do the work to process what you need to, the hurt is temporary, and the gifts are lasting. What a beautiful evolutionary bias to existence!
So process what you need to, let the pain go, and honor the beauty.
Honor love.
Notice how much more whole you feel when you do. And how much better you like who you’re being.

If you were taking your last breaths…or they were taking theirs….notice what remains in you. When you don’t have time for anything non-essential, notice how only love and gratitude arise. That is what really matters to you…what is real and important to you….when you don’t falsely believe that you have time to dwell and get stuck in the unimportant.

Everyone I have ever loved, I still do, as deeply as ever. It couldn’t be any other way. They shaped my heart. I learned what I know of love with them.
How we relate on the outside my have changed. What happens in my heart with them never will.

If a woman has felt safe enough with me and deemed me worthy to open her heart and her body to me….I feel forever indebted. If she ever needs anything, and I can give it, I will. It wouldn’t feel right to me any other way.
As hard as I work at doing good, I simply don’t believe any act truly warrants that kind of beauty, the gift of someone’s heart…so the only reasonable response for me is to feel overwhelmingly blessed.

There are three of my past relationships where we are not still actively close, because they requested that of me….and I actively miss them. And still nothing has changed in my heart; it still swells when I think of them.

This doesn’t mean I think we should be together romantically or sexually again…that might not be what’s in everyone’s highest good…which is what love wants for.
But I remember those times….where I felt I could die happy and complete…. Mostly, it means that I know her. Even though she may have grown and changed…I saw her deeply enough at one time to see what is essential…to see her goodness, her uniqueness, her spark, and know that there is absolutely no one like her.
I loved her because I saw the beauty of her nature…. That will never change.

When I think of the relationships I’ve had, I feel unreasonably fortunate. Not because I’ve never been cheated on or lied to or left. Of course I have. And for a time it was devastating. And as soon as clarity reemerged, I knew I would sign up for it again a thousand times over.

If she had been clearer and better resourced, she would have treated me better. I have no doubt about this. We both have loving hearts, love being the cause of someone else’s happiness, and have only acted hurtfully when we were confused, hurting, or disconnected. So how upset and resentful do I want to stay over someone loving me the best they could with all they had going on inside?

So work to let it go. Don’t feed the resentment story. Or any story that causes or comes from pain.

Honor love.
Feed gratitude.
Stay vulnerable.
Stay open.
Stay loving.

And you’ll stay centered in your own heart, living your values congruently, and choosing your reality consciously.

That is the only real safety.

“Nothing can shatter this love, for even if you were to take another into your arms my dear, you would still be kissing me.” ~Rumi

P.S. A relationship structure (being with this person, this way) is a strategy to meet needs: belonging, connection, security, etc. Love wants for the needs of the other, because love supports happiness. As such, love wants that strategy, as long as it is truly what supports happiness the best. If that should change, love wants for the other what they most want for themselves.

I have never vowed to a relationship structure till death do us part….because I care about happiness and love and truth more than structures…and I know I cant predict the future that well. I think that is a better intention if its arising for both people, than it is a vow.
Here is the lifetime vow that I have made, and feel is honest and I can keep: “I vow to see you, and love you, and honor you, and care about you forever….and to relate with you in whatever ways truly serve the highest good.” As long as being with me supports your greatest happiness, we will be together. If things should change and something else would support your happiness better, then I want that. And Im still keeping the vow.

From this view, there is no such thing as a break up. Only a transition of how we love, as needed.

Note: This was shared to me by a friend, which was shared to her by a friend. The Author I am unaware of, however, my heart said to post it!

What @ Blessing

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I can give myself whatever it is that I am seeking from another person.

For example, say I wanted to hear from a special someone, yet the reality of the situation was that I didn’t hear from that person.  As soon as my expectation is met with the reality of the situation (not hearing from that person), I become sad and a tad angry.

So I ask myself a question:  What would I have in this moment, that I don’t have right now, if I was to hear from this person?

ANSWER:  Love, appreciation, being cared for, etc.

Hmm… well if my feelings are the only thing that would change, can’t I give those experiences to myself?  Can’t I imagine what it would feel like to receive that from another person and then give it to myself?

YES, why yes I CAN!

I can give myself LOVE, APPRECIATION, and acts of kindness, the same way any other person could.

Wow, what a great and humbling SURPRISE.

The love and appreciation that I give to myself, feels like a thousand shooting stars.

What a feeling!

⋆We Live and We ⋆✌⋆LEARN⋆✌⋆

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I am not really sure where to start.  But let’s just start here:  As I was talking to a co-worker the other day, explaining to her my current romantic situation, she told me what I already knew and what everyone else had been telling me as well:  Move on and stop hanging out with your Ex.

This advice has been like a broken record for the past couple of weeks, so when she told me this, I replied with:  “YES I know, believe me I am so aware of the situation it’s almost embarrassing, but you know what?  We all LIVE and we all LEARN and that is exactly what I am doing right now.”

Isn’t that what life is all about anyways!?  Living and learning?

I think there is a fine line, between repeating the same old habits over and over again, and living through them a couple of times before realizing that that specific life choice is not adding anything to your table, but only taking away what is good and leaving behind what is old and moldy.

But what is that fine line?  Where is it drawn?

I would like to believe that the choices I have made regarding Evans and my post break-up, have led me to greater lands and that this too will do the same.

I think that we all know, deep down, the breaking point where a decision needs to be made;  Whether we will keep eating the same old and moldy food, which by the way is not nutritious whatsoever, or throw out the old, make a trip to the grocery store, and serve ourselves a delicious and FRESH meal.

The part of the equation where we tend to get lost, is when we are faced at that crossroad and we decide (over and over again) that eating old and moldy food for days on end, is in fact good for us.  We lose track of what ‘good’ tastes like, and settle for really gross tasting food.

This could be anything from an unhealthy relationship, an uninspiring and draining job, exhausting friendships, etc.  At what point do we settle for a mediocre life and think: this is it.

I don’t think I am at that place yet, gosh at least I hope I’m not. I think there have been days where I have definitely eaten some moldy food, by not taking the time for myself or listening to my heart, in particular moments.  Those moments didn’t feel good.  They hurt my heart.  However, I think that making those choices, to eat moldy food, a couple of times, is a part of life.

Although I am not eating moldy food every day (hanging out with Evan), I know that continuing to hang out with Evan automatically leaves dirty food on the table.  However, by checking in with myself, trying to remain as true to myself as I possibly can, and listening to that voice I call my soul, there still seems to be fresh food on the table.

But that too is settling.

We can all live great lives that make us feel GOOD.  I know it, I believe it, and I will BE IT.

However, sometimes, I also think that we just need to live and learn a little.

I trust that I will know when to stop participating in this love game and get back to my roots, myself, or whatever that is which makes my heart tick.

Because let’s be real here, I have dedicated so much of my time to become the person I am today, that I will not just throw it all away for one repetitive decision, which causes more suffering than happiness.

I will let go.  I just don’t know when.

SIDE NOTE: Evan will always be a close friend of mine.  This was yet another stage of our relationship.  This blog post was not meant to harm his feelings, but to share mine.  It is not a representation of who he is, but simply an expression of how I felt at a specific time in our post break-up relationship.  He is a wonderful being and I wish him the utmost best, wherever life decides to take him.

To be continued …

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Release that #SHiiiitttttttttt

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This morning was, well a little rough. It started with me in my bed, replaying different scenarios, that had happened WAY in the past. 


I began to get #SEVERE anxiety. As I have noticed, once I cling to a certain thought, which causes me to #freakout (mentally), it is a downward hill from there.

So as I was beginning to take this ride, this steep ride, down the hill of #ANXIETY, I got up, went downstairs, sat my #BUTT down on my meditation cushion, and began meditating.


It took a few minutes, well let’s just say ten minutes, to get myself back to the present moment.

Awe… it feels so good to be #HERE.

As I was meditating, something dawned on me: Do only what makes you feel #GOOD, and #OUT with the rest.

It seems pretty simple right?

That’s because it is! It only becomes complicated once our minds enter the equation and we decide that looking at our ex–boyfriends Facebook page, over and over again, is in fact a good idea. 

#NO it is not. Don’t do it. 

It doesn’t #FEEL good. That is the point. We must stick to what #FEELS good.

Let us practice that today. 

I definitely am!

Sticking to what makes me feel good, and not even allowing myself to go to those places within my mind that cause me #anxiety. If anxiety shows up, I know I am focusing my attention on something that does not serve me.

#RELEASE that shitttttttttt!

Happy #DAY!

-Sarah @ THELOVE4HAPPINESS

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