The Drought was the VERY worst…

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My eyes water as I write these words…

The drought was the very worst, when the flowers we’d grown together died of thirst…. T. Swift

 How does one say goodbye to someone who they love with their whole heart?  I think this is one of the hardest decisions I’ve one: ever made, and two: decided to stick with.  I keep thinking to myself that maybe it would be easier if he gave me a reason to say goodbye, i.e. he cheated on me, he was a significant asshole, or he just wasn’t the one for me.  But I don’t have that luxury.  It was a “bad timing” kind of deal.  And maybe that wouldn’t make it easier, but it’s a nice thought as I am in the midst of missing him or when I think I’m making a terrible mistake.

I didn’t think it would be this hard, the second or third time around.  The first time we broke up, I still had this string of hope, as I used to call it, that gave me hope we would work it out and get back together.  That string of hope is now slowly fading.  I don’t know if I will ever be able to go back if I make it through these heart wrenching days.  And I wonder, am I just being a cry baby?  Do I just need to suck it up and move on.  A part of me thinks so, yes… yet here I am-letting it all go on my blog…

I don’t know what else to say, but that I hope tomorrow is better and the day after that, and the day after that.  I have really good days and then days like this, where I feel so utterly sad because I miss the love of my life so much.  I guess thats a part of it.

With love,

S

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