Please don’t throw people you love out because things don’t go the way you want.
If you ever deeply loved someone, you always will. That can’t change or die….it can simply get covered up by pain. The only way to not return to the love is to never heal. You are bigger than that.
Remember all the sweet times you had together. Don’t be afraid to feel this again. Think of all the things you learned with them and all the ways you grew as a result. Recognize how much richer your life has been because of them, and how indelibly they helped shape your evolution. Focus here.
Tell this story.
The neat thing about pain is, it ends. But the lessons learned continue on. If you do the work to process what you need to, the hurt is temporary, and the gifts are lasting. What a beautiful evolutionary bias to existence!
So process what you need to, let the pain go, and honor the beauty.
Notice how much more whole you feel when you do. And how much better you like who you’re being.
If you were taking your last breaths…or they were taking theirs….notice what remains in you. When you don’t have time for anything non-essential, notice how only love and gratitude arise. That is what really matters to you…what is real and important to you….when you don’t falsely believe that you have time to dwell and get stuck in the unimportant.
Everyone I have ever loved, I still do, as deeply as ever. It couldn’t be any other way. They shaped my heart. I learned what I know of love with them.
How we relate on the outside my have changed. What happens in my heart with them never will.
If a woman has felt safe enough with me and deemed me worthy to open her heart and her body to me….I feel forever indebted. If she ever needs anything, and I can give it, I will. It wouldn’t feel right to me any other way.
As hard as I work at doing good, I simply don’t believe any act truly warrants that kind of beauty, the gift of someone’s heart…so the only reasonable response for me is to feel overwhelmingly blessed.
There are three of my past relationships where we are not still actively close, because they requested that of me….and I actively miss them. And still nothing has changed in my heart; it still swells when I think of them.
This doesn’t mean I think we should be together romantically or sexually again…that might not be what’s in everyone’s highest good…which is what love wants for.
But I remember those times….where I felt I could die happy and complete…. Mostly, it means that I know her. Even though she may have grown and changed…I saw her deeply enough at one time to see what is essential…to see her goodness, her uniqueness, her spark, and know that there is absolutely no one like her.
I loved her because I saw the beauty of her nature…. That will never change.
When I think of the relationships I’ve had, I feel unreasonably fortunate. Not because I’ve never been cheated on or lied to or left. Of course I have. And for a time it was devastating. And as soon as clarity reemerged, I knew I would sign up for it again a thousand times over.
If she had been clearer and better resourced, she would have treated me better. I have no doubt about this. We both have loving hearts, love being the cause of someone else’s happiness, and have only acted hurtfully when we were confused, hurting, or disconnected. So how upset and resentful do I want to stay over someone loving me the best they could with all they had going on inside?
So work to let it go. Don’t feed the resentment story. Or any story that causes or comes from pain.
And you’ll stay centered in your own heart, living your values congruently, and choosing your reality consciously.
That is the only real safety.
“Nothing can shatter this love, for even if you were to take another into your arms my dear, you would still be kissing me.” ~Rumi
P.S. A relationship structure (being with this person, this way) is a strategy to meet needs: belonging, connection, security, etc. Love wants for the needs of the other, because love supports happiness. As such, love wants that strategy, as long as it is truly what supports happiness the best. If that should change, love wants for the other what they most want for themselves.
I have never vowed to a relationship structure till death do us part….because I care about happiness and love and truth more than structures…and I know I cant predict the future that well. I think that is a better intention if its arising for both people, than it is a vow.
Here is the lifetime vow that I have made, and feel is honest and I can keep: “I vow to see you, and love you, and honor you, and care about you forever….and to relate with you in whatever ways truly serve the highest good.” As long as being with me supports your greatest happiness, we will be together. If things should change and something else would support your happiness better, then I want that. And Im still keeping the vow.
From this view, there is no such thing as a break up. Only a transition of how we love, as needed.
Note: This was shared to me by a friend, which was shared to her by a friend. The Author I am unaware of, however, my heart said to post it!
I can give myself whatever it is that I am seeking from another person.
For example, say I wanted to hear from a special someone, yet the reality of the situation was that I didn’t hear from that person. As soon as my expectation is met with the reality of the situation (not hearing from that person), I become sad and a tad angry.
So I ask myself a question: What would I have in this moment, that I don’t have right now, if I was to hear from this person?
ANSWER: Love, appreciation, being cared for, etc.
Hmm… well if my feelings are the only thing that would change, can’t I give those experiences to myself? Can’t I imagine what it would feel like to receive that from another person and then give it to myself?
YES, why yes I CAN!
I can give myself LOVE, APPRECIATION, and acts of kindness, the same way any other person could.
Wow, what a great and humbling SURPRISE.
The love and appreciation that I give to myself, feels like a thousand shooting stars.
What a feeling!
RECAP: Break-up REMIX
August 18th, 2014
You know what’s crazy? How a song can make you feel… How it can take you back to how you felt months ago, to that one particular feeling that you were experiencing. You can pin point where you were, what you were doing, and how you were feeling, and it all makes you want to throw up- at least in my case it does.
Listening to this song, takes me back to a very vulnerable and broken place. It seems like a life time ago, although it was only eleven months, that Evan and I broke up, which again, seems insanely crazy because I feel like a different person now. It is WILD what heartbreak can break you open to.
It has been nine months since my last blog post, and now, this is me writing from a completely different place from where I was last December. I want to cry happy tears, as I embrace who I am today and remember who I was nine months ago.
I think this break-up was the best thing that ever happened to me. Not in a way that makes me regret my relationship, not in that way at all, but in a way that opened up my eyes to see a new version of myself. This break-up broke me open, and although it was scary, sad, and at times unbearable, it provided me with a new set of tools. Tools to use and play with to build a new style of living.
At times, amid heart break, it can feel like there is no end in sight, like there is no way out of the brokenness, but I am here to remind you that there is! It is right there, just outside the bubble of despair. But you know what? The bubble of despair is just as important as the joy and freedom right outside of it.
As I listen to this song, and it reminds me of where I was last winter, I get a weird sense of comfort; I feel almost thankful for the dark and gloomy days, because they allowed me to grow, deepen my spiritual practice, and plant new roots. Heartbreak is weird. It is all consuming and emotionally draining. It feels like it takes it all out of us, yet it also welcomes new life and encourages us to step outside of our bubble of despair and smell the new roses just outside of our sadness.
This heartbreak has opened me up to see a different part of myself. It cracked me open and asked me to find my own way; a new way and a new path- for me, not for anyone else, but for me.
So although I will probably always miss what was, and wonder what may be, I have finally reached a place where I feel thankful and okay with all that has happened. It has come and gone, and although it caused a few wounds, those wounds are now a part of my story. They are a part of me and contribute to the person I am today. And now I can look at them, finally, and feel love, empathy, and open arms toward them.
I guess that is what life is all about. Becoming wounded, taking the time to heal, and then once we are healed, thanking life for yet another experience which helped and encouraged us to grow and shed another leaf. I know from my personal experience, this heartbreak led me to a deeper part of myself, a part of me who is more loving and soft with the world. If nothing else, I thank you, heartbreak, and every one else who has been a part of my journey this last year. It has all had its purpose and allowed me to become the person I am today. And this person I wouldn’t trade the world for!
May You always know your own value.
May You always know your own beauty.
May You always know your own worth.
May You always know your Oneness with the Divine.
May You always feel deserving to receive.
And may You know You are Love.
I don’t know about any of you, but saying good-bye to someone you love, who may or may not be the right one for you at this time in your life, can be one of the hardest decisions to make. Making the decision is one thing, but then sticking to it is another. I think we all reach a point where saying ‘goodbye‘ is the only solution that will keep us sane and keep us, US.
I think, or I hope, that I have reached that point. The in-between and back and forth stages of losing hope and then having hope again, is becoming far too heavy on my heart. I want to say goodbye and start to live a life for ME and not for what was or what could be.
I want this to be the last goodbye…
This quote seems appropriate …
“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to
say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me
for you, if you will take care of you for me.”
This day is dedicated to giving thanks for the lives we live. It is a day to celebrate all in our life and be grateful.
Showing gratitude for your life is one way to bring a smile to your face. Many people suffer much more than you could ever imagine. Being grateful, even for the littlest things, can put your life in perspective and fill you with Peace and Happiness.
As Tony Robbins once said, “When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.”
Today, let’s make a list of all that we are grateful for. Giving thanks to what you currently obtain in your life, is an easy way to bring more of what you desire, to you.
May everyone enjoy this day with their loved ones. For those of you who are alone, you are in my heart. If not in the physical form, then spirit. 🙂
Lets raise our glasses and remind ourselves of what this day really signifies! 🙂
Play on, give thanks, and enjoy your Thanksgiving Day!
Everyone who I share a loving relationship with! Friends, Family, Boyfriend, etc.
Delicious food cooked by my relatives.
My house and the bed I sleep in.
My dog Nelli, and the unconditional love she shows me daily.
All of you, who are reading this right now! 🙂
Everyone who inspires me and everyone who I inspire!
Technology, as I wouldn’t be able to communicate with Evan when he travels overseas.
Everything in my life which has brought me happiness and pain, as it has led me to this moment right now and I couldn’t ask for anything more!
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS WHICH I HAVE RECEIVED IN MY LIFE! 🙂
William Kwakwamba’s inspiring story teaches us to dream big.
There is no urgency to compose a final goal when we first act upon an inspiring idea. The outcome and/or finished product will come in time if we can use our time wisely and effectively by focusing on the idea at hand.
I never knew that I would create a blog to help inspire others live greater lives. However, I continued to write not knowing where it would lead, but following my love for writing and one day I had an idea to create TheLove4Happiness.
Now here I am:)
Kwakwamba had an idea to use the wind to somehow help his people. He did not know what it would equal to, if he would succeed or fail, but he acted upon his idea and it lead him to this inspiring story, a trip to the U.S., and funding for his education.
If you can take a chance and listen to your heart, your dreams will follow:)