HEART-BREAK remix: A heart-break that BROKE me OPEN

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RECAP:  Break-up REMIX

 

August 18th, 2014

You know what’s crazy? How a song can make you feel… How it can take you back to how you felt months ago, to that one particular feeling that you were experiencing. You can pin point where you were, what you were doing, and how you were feeling, and it all makes you want to throw up- at least in my case it does.

Listening to this song, takes me back to a very vulnerable and broken place. It seems like a life time ago, although it was only eleven months, that Evan and I broke up, which again, seems insanely crazy because I feel like a different person now. It is WILD what heartbreak can break you open to.

It has been nine months since my last blog post, and now, this is me writing from a completely different place from where I was last December. I want to cry happy tears, as I embrace who I am today and remember who I was nine months ago.

I think this break-up was the best thing that ever happened to me. Not in a way that makes me regret my relationship, not in that way at all, but in a way that opened up my eyes to see a new version of myself. This break-up broke me open, and although it was scary, sad, and at times unbearable, it provided me with a new set of tools. Tools to use and play with to build a new style of living.

At times, amid heart break, it can feel like there is no end in sight, like there is no way out of the brokenness, but I am here to remind you that there is! It is right there, just outside the bubble of despair. But you know what? The bubble of despair is just as important as the joy and freedom right outside of it.

As I listen to this song, and it reminds me of where I was last winter, I get a weird sense of comfort; I feel almost thankful for the dark and gloomy days, because they allowed me to grow, deepen my spiritual practice, and plant new roots. Heartbreak is weird. It is all consuming and emotionally draining. It feels like it takes it all out of us, yet it also welcomes new life and encourages us to step outside of our bubble of despair and smell the new roses just outside of our sadness.

This heartbreak has opened me up to see a different part of myself. It cracked me open and asked me to find my own way; a new way and a new path- for me, not for anyone else, but for me.

So although I will probably always miss what was, and wonder what may be, I have finally reached a place where I feel thankful and okay with all that has happened. It has come and gone, and although it caused a few wounds, those wounds are now a part of my story. They are a part of me and contribute to the person I am today. And now I can look at them, finally, and feel love, empathy, and open arms toward them.

I guess that is what life is all about. Becoming wounded, taking the time to heal, and then once we are healed, thanking life for yet another experience which helped and encouraged us to grow and shed another leaf. I know from my personal experience, this heartbreak led me to a deeper part of myself, a part of me who is more loving and soft with the world. If nothing else, I thank you, heartbreak, and every one else who has been a part of my journey this last year. It has all had its purpose and allowed me to become the person I am today. And this person I wouldn’t trade the world for!

We Live in a MAGICAL World ✈✈✈

Wow!  Well this is CRAZYYY!

I completely forgot that I wrote a blog post a couple of months ago, regarding this next blog, that I am about to share with you. It wasn’t until I lived through a unique sequence of events, that I realized I had already written a blog about my travel intentions.

 

 And now there is so much JUICY news to share! 

To summarize the blog post (that I wrote back in April), it explored an overwhelming feeling to travel and #EXPLOREAnd not just anywhere, but somewhere tropical.  I had my own sense of #ISLANDFEVERI didn’t know where it was coming from. Was I meant to travel, or not? And what was the meaning behind it all? I didn’t know.  All I knew was that I was experiencing a strong sense to travel, which then moved me to write THIS (click to read previous blog post).

 

There were a series of events that occurred after I wrote blog post.  I can’t pin point the exact dates of each event, but it was roughly 2 weeks after I wrote the first blog.

 

It must have been in the beginning of April when the first event took place.  My roommate had an Outside Magazine lying around the house, normally this magazine wouldn’t catch my eye, however, the cover was titled ‘20 Best Trips’This intrigued me.

 

I browsed through the magazine, seeing if anything resonated with me.  Nothing did.  I let it be. 

A couple of days later, I was in a friend’s car and this SAME magazine was sitting on his dashboard. “Weird,” I thought.  I took another browse through the magazine, but again, nothing resonated.  I let it be.

It must have been a week later, when I was on my way to visit my sister in San Diego, and as I was walking off the airplane, I glanced over my shoulder to see a man reading the SAME magazine.

 

At this point, I was like, okay there is something happening here.  I didn’t know what it was, but I went to buy this magazine for the sole purpose of feeling like I should have it in my possession. 

I got off the plane, went to the nearest newsstand, and purchased the magazine.  Again, I browsed through it, seeing if this time around something popped out at me.  Still nothing.

 Then, as I was sitting at the gate, waiting to depart, a question subtly arose:  “I wonder where the cover of this magazine was shot?” I thought to myself.

 

Here is the cover:

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It was somewhere tropical and looked like my kind of place! 

It was too late to call Outside Magazine, as their offices had closed for the day.  So, I let it be.

On April 23rd, my Birthday, I went to a local coffee shop to do some writing, and as I reached for my computer, I noticed that I had had the Outside magazine in my backpack.  I took it out, pondered the cover for a second, and then decided to call Outside Magazine to see where they shot the cover of their April 2014 issue. 

 

Drum roll please….. Palawan.  

 

As I began researching Palawan, I soon realized that it was an island in the Phillippines, which excited me, as I could picture myself possibly traveling to this beautiful and remote #ISLAND.  I mean why else had I been led to this magazine!? 

 

I let this idea swarm through my mind for about a month.   

I was pretty excited about the prospect of traveling to Palawan, however, I decided to be open to any other ideas that may come my way.  I didn’t want to close the door on Palawan, but I also didn’t want to be closed off to any other possibilities.

 

One morning after I meditated, I set an #INTENTION for the day:  To be open to receive a sign from the Universe.  Palawan wasn’t even on my mind when I made this intention.  I just wanted to be available to any sign that the Universe may be trying to show me. 

Soon after that, I headed to the coffee shop.  As I was talking to the barista, a man behind me began talking with me.  Long story short, I ended up telling him that I wanted to travel and that I was thinking of going to an Island in the Philippines, but that I was waiting for a sign.  He then told me that he had a friend who ran an orphanage in the Philippines.  I asked where and he said ….. PALAWAN!  

 

LIKE WHATTTTTT! 

 

 Mind you, I live in a town the size of only 2,000 people, so the chances of this happening, are very slim!

 

After conversing with this man for a bit, I remember thinking: if this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.  I could wonder, going back and forth in my head, if this is yet a #TRUE sign and if I should perhaps wait for another one to come, just to make triple sure.  Or I could notice how I feel in my body when I ask myself a question that pertains to Palawan. How does it feel when I think about traveling to Palawan?  I get a warm and excited feeling in my heart space.  Almost a knowing feeling;  A feeling that tells me that Palawan is where I am supposed to go.  It feels scary for sure, but it doesn’t make me want to crawl out of my skin.

 

So with that being said, I will trust in that feeling and a little in the unknown, as scary as that may be, and I will follow that straight to Palawan, Philippines.

I am in such awe that life magically steers us into directions we once never thought imaginable.

 

 

We truly do live in a MAGICAL WORLD!!!!!

 

 I am set to go to Palawan at the end of October.  If you have any suggestions, PLEASE feel free to email me and give me your two cents.  😉

 

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With Love and CURIOUSITY,

Sarah