How do you treat yourself? Mentally?
Are you aware of the mental chatter going on inside of your head? Do you notice how often the voice inside of your head makes you feel crappy about yourself and your life? Well let me SHOOT some TRUTH YOUR WAY: That voice, who makes you feel less than you really are, is NOT who you are, nor do you have to listen to or BELIEVE what is has to say.
Sure, it may feel true. And you could argue with me that those thoughts (which cause you to feel anxious or depressed) may in fact be true. But let me ask you something?
When you BELIEVE thoughts that make you feel crummy, what is the indicator that they are true? How can you REALLY know, 100%, that they’re TRUE?
Think about it…
Go inside and see what comes up for you.
I have a friend who believes that before she starts her business, she needs to have ALL her I’s dotted and T’s crossed. She had this story when I met her (8 months ago) and still lives by it today. And what has this belief given to her? A lot of UNNECESSARY stress and a lack of self-confidence and courage to get her BUSINESS out into the world.
Does she have her T’s crossed and I’s dotted?
YOU BET SHE DOES
And is she a wonderful and smart women who has a special gift to share with the world? YOU BET SHE IS! Yet, she is still believing that she needs to DO MORE, in order for her to begin, and that my friends, is what’s HOLDING HER BACK.
I want you to hold a thought in your mind that makes you feel crappy. Such as: (I will use my own personal playlist, that my inner mean girl uses, when she likes to come out to play) you’re not doing enough, you will never be successful, you should watch what you eat (you don’t want to get fat!), you need to be doing more to be better, etc. Now find a thought that your inner mean girl uses when she comes out to play.
Got it? (DO THIS PEOPLE)
Now hold that belief in your mind FOR 30 seconds.
How do you feel?
Write down ALL of the feelings and PHYSICAL sensations in your BODY, that came up while believing this thought. Such as: tight, suffocating, clogged, heavy, etc.
(WRITE THEM DOWN, for reals!)
Okay, shake that shit off. Really, shake it off and get back to YOUR happy place.
NOW, hold a belief that you KNOW to be TRUE. For example (my truth): I love horses, I want to be happy, I love my partner, the sky is blue, etc.
NOW, hold that belief in your mind for 30 seconds.
How do you feel after believing that thought?
Let me let you in on a TOP SECRET: IF A THOUGHT CAUSES YOU TO SUFFER (anxious, depressed, worried, unhappy) IT IS NOT TRUE.
Notice how you FELT when you held the absolute truth in your mind. Good right? A lot better then when you held the belief that your inner mean girl throws at you, huh?
When you BELIEVE the TRUTH it feels like freedom and when you believe a LIE, it feels like SHIT.
I know this may be a lot for your mind to comprehend, but it doesn’t need to comprehend it right now. Just notice how you feel when you believe the truth, the god to honest truth, like the sky is blue, and when you believe something that causes you to feel crappy about yourself.
It’s like hot and cold, right?
Wouldn’t you want to believe the TRUTH and FEEL FREE, then believe and LIE and feel like crap???
Easier said then done, I know. However, I am LIVING PROOF, that it is POSSIBLE. I have suffered from anxiety and depression, and ALL of it stemmed from the inner dialogue that was going on upstairs.
With a few coaching sessions under your belt, you will understand how you inner mean girl operates, how you can break free from the LIMITING beliefs that hold you back (like my friend), and create a happier life for yourself.
It all starts with you my dear.
And let me REMIND you of something: You are EFFING amazing and you have an incredible gift to share with the world. If I believe that, you can believe it. Don’t you EVER give up on yourself and when you’re in the DUMPS, reach out to a loved one and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. NO exceptions.
“Be a better friend to yourself.” – ME
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“Until you can look forward to all aspects of life without fear, your Work is not done.” – Byron Katie
I had an epiphany the other day after reading this quote. It slowly started to dawn on me that I had the willingness (in one area of my life) to look fear in the eye and choose not to be scared. The fear that used to TERRIFY me, no longer held its power over me and scared me the way it used to.
HOLY COW! WHAT a realization!
And the fear I am talking about? It is the FEAR of being FAT. You know it right?
I have been scared of being fat since the seventh grade. I had beliefs like: only skinny girls are pretty and only pretty girls are skinny. AND: I HAVE to be skinny in order for people to like me. AND: I am not likable if I am not skinny. You see where I am going with this…
The behaviors that came from believing such thoughts were detrimental to my health, mind, soul, and body. Behaviors such as: controlling my eating habits, eating when I wasn’t hungry, emotional binge-eating, harsh self-criticism, judging myself and others, and wearing baggy clothes because I was too scared to wear my tight clothes, for fear they wouldn’t fit.
And what did this all stem from? Believing thoughts that simply were NOT TRUE. Who said that only pretty people are skinny and visa versa? Or that one is only likable if they are skinny!? Because I have two words for them: what BULLSHIT!!!! 100% BullSHIT.
The fact that I can hear the voice in my head (you should watch what you eat, you don’t want to get FAT), feel it’s impact on my body, as uncomfortable body sensations (tightness, tenseness, and heaviness-usually in my heart center), and choose to face the fear, rather then fight it or ignore it, changes its effect on me. I used to be SO scared to face the fear, for fear that I would become FAT, that I would bow down to it (unknowingly), BELIEVE IT, and then end up feeling like the victim of my own life. This created a hellish life for me for quite some time.
BUT NOW?! I see it for was it is: a made up FEAR that doesn’t hold any truth whatsoever. May I repeat: A MADE OF UP FEAR THAT DOESN’T HOLD ANY TRUTH WHATSOEVER. Through life coach training and many of my own personal experiences, I have come to realize the insanity of the fear and have begun to trust myself and my body, more than a belief inside of my head.
And now that I have come to realize this, I can apply it to other fear based areas in my life, and not become paralyzed by limiting (fear based) beliefs for days, weeks, or months on end.
You are NOT the voice inside your head who makes you feel crappy about your life, body, work, relationships, etc. You are the one who is silenced by the fear, the one who stands back and watches the chaos unfold.
“If you truly knew how beautiful you are, you would fall at your own feet.” – Byron Katie
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LOTS OF LOVE!!!!!
My eyes water as I write these words…
The drought was the very worst, when the flowers we’d grown together died of thirst…. T. Swift
How does one say goodbye to someone who they love with their whole heart? I think this is one of the hardest decisions I’ve one: ever made, and two: decided to stick with. I keep thinking to myself that maybe it would be easier if he gave me a reason to say goodbye, i.e. he cheated on me, he was a significant asshole, or he just wasn’t the one for me. But I don’t have that luxury. It was a “bad timing” kind of deal. And maybe that wouldn’t make it easier, but it’s a nice thought as I am in the midst of missing him or when I think I’m making a terrible mistake.
I didn’t think it would be this hard, the second or third time around. The first time we broke up, I still had this string of hope, as I used to call it, that gave me hope we would work it out and get back together. That string of hope is now slowly fading. I don’t know if I will ever be able to go back if I make it through these heart wrenching days. And I wonder, am I just being a cry baby? Do I just need to suck it up and move on. A part of me thinks so, yes… yet here I am-letting it all go on my blog…
I don’t know what else to say, but that I hope tomorrow is better and the day after that, and the day after that. I have really good days and then days like this, where I feel so utterly sad because I miss the love of my life so much. I guess thats a part of it.
This is what I said to myself while I was out in the #wilderness-alone… And it stills feels very true.
It reminds me that I am capable of doing whatever my heart desires. Whether I am camping by myself or starting a business from scratch. I am capable of allowing my heart to guide me and create my best life!
Please don’t throw people you love out because things don’t go the way you want.
If you ever deeply loved someone, you always will. That can’t change or die….it can simply get covered up by pain. The only way to not return to the love is to never heal. You are bigger than that.
Remember all the sweet times you had together. Don’t be afraid to feel this again. Think of all the things you learned with them and all the ways you grew as a result. Recognize how much richer your life has been because of them, and how indelibly they helped shape your evolution. Focus here.
Tell this story.
The neat thing about pain is, it ends. But the lessons learned continue on. If you do the work to process what you need to, the hurt is temporary, and the gifts are lasting. What a beautiful evolutionary bias to existence!
So process what you need to, let the pain go, and honor the beauty.
Notice how much more whole you feel when you do. And how much better you like who you’re being.
If you were taking your last breaths…or they were taking theirs….notice what remains in you. When you don’t have time for anything non-essential, notice how only love and gratitude arise. That is what really matters to you…what is real and important to you….when you don’t falsely believe that you have time to dwell and get stuck in the unimportant.
Everyone I have ever loved, I still do, as deeply as ever. It couldn’t be any other way. They shaped my heart. I learned what I know of love with them.
How we relate on the outside my have changed. What happens in my heart with them never will.
If a woman has felt safe enough with me and deemed me worthy to open her heart and her body to me….I feel forever indebted. If she ever needs anything, and I can give it, I will. It wouldn’t feel right to me any other way.
As hard as I work at doing good, I simply don’t believe any act truly warrants that kind of beauty, the gift of someone’s heart…so the only reasonable response for me is to feel overwhelmingly blessed.
There are three of my past relationships where we are not still actively close, because they requested that of me….and I actively miss them. And still nothing has changed in my heart; it still swells when I think of them.
This doesn’t mean I think we should be together romantically or sexually again…that might not be what’s in everyone’s highest good…which is what love wants for.
But I remember those times….where I felt I could die happy and complete…. Mostly, it means that I know her. Even though she may have grown and changed…I saw her deeply enough at one time to see what is essential…to see her goodness, her uniqueness, her spark, and know that there is absolutely no one like her.
I loved her because I saw the beauty of her nature…. That will never change.
When I think of the relationships I’ve had, I feel unreasonably fortunate. Not because I’ve never been cheated on or lied to or left. Of course I have. And for a time it was devastating. And as soon as clarity reemerged, I knew I would sign up for it again a thousand times over.
If she had been clearer and better resourced, she would have treated me better. I have no doubt about this. We both have loving hearts, love being the cause of someone else’s happiness, and have only acted hurtfully when we were confused, hurting, or disconnected. So how upset and resentful do I want to stay over someone loving me the best they could with all they had going on inside?
So work to let it go. Don’t feed the resentment story. Or any story that causes or comes from pain.
And you’ll stay centered in your own heart, living your values congruently, and choosing your reality consciously.
That is the only real safety.
“Nothing can shatter this love, for even if you were to take another into your arms my dear, you would still be kissing me.” ~Rumi
P.S. A relationship structure (being with this person, this way) is a strategy to meet needs: belonging, connection, security, etc. Love wants for the needs of the other, because love supports happiness. As such, love wants that strategy, as long as it is truly what supports happiness the best. If that should change, love wants for the other what they most want for themselves.
I have never vowed to a relationship structure till death do us part….because I care about happiness and love and truth more than structures…and I know I cant predict the future that well. I think that is a better intention if its arising for both people, than it is a vow.
Here is the lifetime vow that I have made, and feel is honest and I can keep: “I vow to see you, and love you, and honor you, and care about you forever….and to relate with you in whatever ways truly serve the highest good.” As long as being with me supports your greatest happiness, we will be together. If things should change and something else would support your happiness better, then I want that. And Im still keeping the vow.
From this view, there is no such thing as a break up. Only a transition of how we love, as needed.
Note: This was shared to me by a friend, which was shared to her by a friend. The Author I am unaware of, however, my heart said to post it!
I can give myself whatever it is that I am seeking from another person.
For example, say I wanted to hear from a special someone, yet the reality of the situation was that I didn’t hear from that person. As soon as my expectation is met with the reality of the situation (not hearing from that person), I become sad and a tad angry.
So I ask myself a question: What would I have in this moment, that I don’t have right now, if I was to hear from this person?
ANSWER: Love, appreciation, being cared for, etc.
Hmm… well if my feelings are the only thing that would change, can’t I give those experiences to myself? Can’t I imagine what it would feel like to receive that from another person and then give it to myself?
YES, why yes I CAN!
I can give myself LOVE, APPRECIATION, and acts of kindness, the same way any other person could.
Wow, what a great and humbling SURPRISE.
The love and appreciation that I give to myself, feels like a thousand shooting stars.
What a feeling!
What an amazing discovery to learn and experience. Although I am in the midst of it, I am slowly realizing, after time and time again of pointing the finger outward and blaming others for my suffering, that no one can disturb the inner ball of peace that resides within me.
Sure, it may seem like they can. Especially when their actions speak mountains louder than their words, or they don’t text or call me back when I assumed they would, or they leave me hanging without saying good-bye. But does any amount of suffering change the reality of the situation? Does it change them or their actions? In my experience, no. But do you know what it does effect? My happiness.
I am ready to surrender. I put up a good fight- the best fight in my egos eyes. But for what? To feel like shit over and over again?
I don’t want to suffer because of someone else. I don’t want to point the finger at another being because I don’t agree with how he or she is living or treating me. What do I know? How do I know that their way of living isn’t true for them? I don’t. And who is living my life when I am constantly concerned with their where a bouts? Who is taking care of me when I am over there worried about their life? Nobody. I am too busy trying to live their life for them, that I forget about me and my life. How exhausting.
So here I lay, waiting for the fog to clear the morning air. I feel calm. I feel a new self emerging and another dying. This new self feels like it has just been born. It is still unsure of how to go about things and what to make of this new life, but it is alive and well. I feel hopeful.
I am sick of fighting something or someone who I have no control over. I want to be happy and free. Waking up this morning, I remembered what I repeated to myself last night before I went to bed: I choose PEACE. And when a certain situation frazzled my social self this morning, I remembered that I have a choice: I can become angry and fall into the hamster wheel of madness, because a certain situation didn’t play out how I would’ve liked it to, or I can choose PEACE.
I choose PEACE. The rest is beyond me…